17th April 2014: Major cancer breakthrough: New tailor-made treatments will cure killer disease.Hurrah! An actual “CURE” in the headline. It’s definitely not a load of old guff then.Britain’s biggest cancer killers could stop being death sentences within 10 years thanks to a ­revolutionary form of treatment.Damn that extra word in the online story’s headline!
The breakthrough marks a new era of research into personalised medicines that could reduce the disease to a chronic illness – or one day even cure it, say experts.
Shaping up to be another Jo Willey “Could” specials…
Researchers are developing genetic tests to identify changes in tumours that could lead to individual treatments tailored for each patient.Up to 14 drugs could be used ­during the initial two-year National Lung Matrix trial – 12 from  AstraZeneca and two from Pfizer, which with Cancer Research UK are jointly funding the £25million trial, with support from the NHS.Enough of this “could”-a-thon. What did the boffin say?
“If we start to understand what is driving the tumour we could start to offer patients treatments that prolong their life.”

17th April 2014: Major cancer breakthrough: New tailor-made treatments will cure killer disease.

Hurrah! An actual “CURE” in the headline. It’s definitely not a load of old guff then.

Britain’s biggest cancer killers could stop being death sentences within 10 years thanks to a ­revolutionary form of treatment.

Damn that extra word in the online story’s headline!

The breakthrough marks a new era of research into personalised medicines that could reduce the disease to a chronic illness – or one day even cure it, say experts.

Shaping up to be another Jo Willey “Could” specials…

Researchers are developing genetic tests to identify changes in tumours that could lead to individual treatments tailored for each patient.

Up to 14 drugs could be used ­during the initial two-year National Lung Matrix trial – 12 from  AstraZeneca and two from Pfizer, which with Cancer Research UK are jointly funding the £25million trial, with support from the NHS.

Enough of this “could”-a-thon. What did the boffin say?

“If we start to understand what is driving the tumour we could start to offer patients treatments that prolong their life.”

14th April 2014: Proof statins beat dementia.
PROOF! Hurrah!
Heart statins drugs could ‘slash risk of dementia by a quarter’
Hang on. That story headline is not exactly the same as the front page headline, now is it?
What did the press release (and not an advert for statins) boffins do?
They discovered that the higher the dose and the longer patients took them, the greater the potential for staving off the brain disease.Researchers from the National Taipei Medical University and the National Yang-Ming University, both in Taiwan, found that patients prescribed the drugs at any time were 22 per cent less likely to suffer brain problems than those who never took them.PROOF!What about the standard other quote at the end of the story?
Dr Simon Ridley, head of research at Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “These kinds of studies are useful for highlighting trends but do not confirm cause and effect. The best way to know for sure whether statins could reduce the risk of dementia would be through clinical trials. To date, there is not enough evidence from clinical trials to suggest that statins could prevent dementia but there are trials still ongoing at the moment.”
Oh dear, another loads of old poop then…
“Until there is firm evidence, we would not recommend people take statins to prevent dementia. However, we know that cardiovascular risk factors can be associated with poor brain health so keeping high cholesterol in check may help maintain a healthy brain in old age.”

14th April 2014: Proof statins beat dementia.

PROOF! Hurrah!

Heart statins drugs could ‘slash risk of dementia by a quarter’

Hang on. That story headline is not exactly the same as the front page headline, now is it?

What did the press release (and not an advert for statins) boffins do?

They discovered that the higher the dose and the longer patients took them, the greater the potential for staving off the brain disease.

Researchers from the National Taipei Medical University and the National Yang-Ming University, both in Taiwan, found that patients prescribed the drugs at any time were 22 per cent less likely to suffer brain problems than those who never took them.

PROOF!

What about the standard other quote at the end of the story?

Dr Simon Ridley, head of research at Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “These kinds of studies are useful for highlighting trends but do not confirm cause and effect. The best way to know for sure whether statins could reduce the risk of dementia would be through clinical trials. To date, there is not enough evidence from clinical trials to suggest that statins could prevent dementia but there are trials still ongoing at the moment.”

Oh dear, another loads of old poop then…

“Until there is firm evidence, we would not recommend people take statins to prevent dementia. However, we know that cardiovascular risk factors can be associated with poor brain health so keeping high cholesterol in check may help maintain a healthy brain in old age.”

7th April 2014: Arthritis: New way to ease pain.Is it positive thinking, like the front page headline from last month?Or is it a ‘simple jab’ like that headline from February?How about one of the many arthritis front pages from last year like the ‘powerful new drug’ or the ‘wonder oil’? Or is it from losing a few pounds, using a ‘simple’ gel, eating oily fish, taking a 14p tablet or combining fish oil with aspirin? Or is it one of the other miracle cures from last year?No…MILK could be the key to beating ­crippling arthritis.
MILK?
"COULD"?
Drinking a few glasses of skimmed or semi-skimmed milk each week can stop the devastating disease from worsening, it is claimed. A new study found that women who regularly drank the humble pinta could delay the progression of ­osteoarthritis of the knee.
What an amazing cure!
 What did the unrelated to the press release quote person have to say about this?
The medical director of Arthritis Research UK, Professor Alan Silman, said the findings of the US study were extremely interesting. But he insisted it was too early to send out the message that women with knee osteoarthritis should drink more milk to prevent their condition getting worse.

7th April 2014: Arthritis: New way to ease pain.

Is it positive thinking, like the front page headline from last month?

Or is it a ‘simple jab’ like that headline from February?

How about one of the many arthritis front pages from last year like the ‘powerful new drug’ or the ‘wonder oil’? Or is it from losing a few pounds, using a ‘simple’ gel, eating oily fish, taking a 14p tablet or combining fish oil with aspirin? Or is it one of the other miracle cures from last year?

No…

MILK could be the key to beating ­crippling arthritis.

MILK?

"COULD"?

Drinking a few glasses of skimmed or semi-skimmed milk each week can stop the devastating disease from worsening, it is claimed. A new study found that women who regularly drank the humble pinta could delay the progression of ­osteoarthritis of the knee.

What an amazing cure!

 What did the unrelated to the press release quote person have to say about this?

The medical director of Arthritis Research UK, Professor Alan Silman, said the findings of the US study were extremely interesting. But he insisted it was too early to send out the message that women with knee osteoarthritis should drink more milk to prevent their condition getting worse.

1st April 2014: Diet that adds years to life.
Another one???
A diet rich in vegetables, salads and fruit can cut the risk of death from heart attacks and strokes by almost half, a study said yesterday.Or: “Healthy food is healthy, say experts.” Research shows seven or more helpings could reduce the risk by 42 per cent compared to someone who has just one portion daily. It can reduce the risk of dying of cancer by 25 per cent and of heart disease by 31 per cent.
That’s all very specific, isn’t it? It looks a bit like an April Fool but then every day is for Fools at The World’s Greatest Newspaper.
Dr Oyinlola Oyebode, lead author of the report, said the dietary effect was “staggering”, adding: “The more fruit and vegetables you eat, the less likely you are to die at any age.” 
How many parsnips to I have to eat to live forever?

1st April 2014: Diet that adds years to life.

Another one???

A diet rich in vegetables, salads and fruit can cut the risk of death from heart attacks and strokes by almost half, a study said yesterday.

Or: “Healthy food is healthy, say experts.”

Research shows seven or more helpings could reduce the risk by 42 per cent compared to someone who has just one portion daily. It can reduce the risk of dying of cancer by 25 per cent and of heart disease by 31 per cent.

That’s all very specific, isn’t it? It looks a bit like an April Fool but then every day is for Fools at The World’s Greatest Newspaper.

Dr Oyinlola Oyebode, lead author of the report, said the dietary effect was “staggering”, adding: “The more fruit and vegetables you eat, the less likely you are to die at any age.”

How many parsnips to I have to eat to live forever?

24th March 2014: Lifestyle is key to beating dementia: Healthy living protects against disease.
Hang on? Is this self-proclaimed exclusive really saying that having a healthy lifestyle means you are more likely to be healthier? Blimey!
A healthy lifestyle does beat dementia and the sooner people ditch bad habits the better, a leading expert on ageing revealed yesterday. 
Does this healthy lifestyle also hold the key…. to  time????
Professor John Gallacher said a good diet, not smoking, taking exercise and limiting alcohol intake are more important than genetics for cutting the risk of Alzheimer’s.
So the same keys as every other ruddy Express health exclusive?
Speaking exclusively to the Daily Express... “The message needs to get out there that the earlier you start to adopt these healthy lifestyles the lower your risk of dementia will be. There are just enormous benefits in reviewing how you live.”
What other wisdom does this latest press release boffin expert have for us?"On average, lifestyle could affect your risk by up to 20 per cent and genes five or six per cent. It is a massive increase in the risk and it could be changed so easily. It is not just about Alzheimer’s disease. The whole ageing process is accelerated with an unhealthy lifestyle.”
EXCLUSIVE!

24th March 2014: Lifestyle is key to beating dementia: Healthy living protects against disease.

Hang on? Is this self-proclaimed exclusive really saying that having a healthy lifestyle means you are more likely to be healthier? Blimey!

A healthy lifestyle does beat dementia and the sooner people ditch bad habits the better, a leading expert on ageing revealed yesterday.

Does this healthy lifestyle also hold the key…. to  time????

Professor John Gallacher said a good diet, not smoking, taking exercise and limiting alcohol intake are more important than genetics for cutting the risk of Alzheimer’s.

So the same keys as every other ruddy Express health exclusive?

Speaking exclusively to the Daily Express... “The message needs to get out there that the earlier you start to adopt these healthy lifestyles the lower your risk of dementia will be. There are just enormous benefits in reviewing how you live.”

What other wisdom does this latest press release boffin expert have for us?

"On average, lifestyle could affect your risk by up to 20 per cent and genes five or six per cent. It is a massive increase in the risk and it could be changed so easily. It is not just about Alzheimer’s disease. The whole ageing process is accelerated with an unhealthy lifestyle.”

EXCLUSIVE!

19th March 2014: Eat less and live longer
Another Jo Willey exclusice (press release)!
A VERY low calorie diet could be the key to a long and healthy life, according to new research.It could? Here we go again….
Scientists know an extreme diet does not appeal to many people but say their discovery could lead to ways of mimicking its effects and pave the way for an “anti-ageing pill”.
What is the science of this latest piece of nonsense?Increased cellular recycling could account for the longer lifespan of laboratory animals on very low diets.
Could it?Dr Adler said: “This effect has been demonstrated in laboratories around the world, in species ranging from yeast to flies to mice. There is also some evidence it occurs in primates.” Dr Adler added it may be possible to develop drugs that mimic the effect.Sounds great. Let’s all restrict our calories until we become immortal!
People who restrict calories or combine diets with exercise usually improve their blood pressure, body fat and cholesterol levels, heart rate and weight. These factors cut the risk of chronic diseases. But the side effects can include reduced bone density, memory loss, dizziness and depression.
I have changed my mind.

19th March 2014: Eat less and live longer

Another Jo Willey exclusice (press release)!

A VERY low calorie diet could be the key to a long and healthy life, according to new research.

It could? Here we go again….

Scientists know an extreme diet does not appeal to many people but say their discovery could lead to ways of mimicking its effects and pave the way for an “anti-ageing pill”.

What is the science of this latest piece of nonsense?

Increased cellular recycling could account for the longer lifespan of laboratory animals on very low diets.

Could it?

Dr Adler said: “This effect has been demonstrated in laboratories around the world, in species ranging from yeast to flies to mice. There is also some evidence it occurs in primates.” Dr Adler added it may be possible to develop drugs that mimic the effect.

Sounds great. Let’s all restrict our calories until we become immortal!

People who restrict calories or combine diets with exercise usually improve their blood pressure, body fat and cholesterol levels, heart rate and weight. These factors cut the risk of chronic diseases. But the side effects can include reduced bone density, memory loss, dizziness and depression.

I have changed my mind.

17th March 2014: Jab-free test for diabetes: Life-saving breakthrough
Diabetes AGAIN?  Oh well, at least it is a "life-saving breakthrough". What does the online article say?
Jab-free diabetes test could be a life-saving breakthrough: A new  device could save the lives of ­diabetics and slash NHS treatment costs.
How odd: both of the familiar uses of "could" in the article’s headline are missing from the front page.
The stick-on sensor, about the size of a 2p piece, replaces the need for daily finger-­pricking jabs to monitor blood glucose levels. The breakthrough gadget, worn at the back of the upper arm, ­monitors glucose levels and gives the wearer an instant display on a pager-sized reader. It can collect data for up to 14 days. This can then be downloaded to give doctors vital information that could save patients’ lives and lower the risk of complications.Sounds good. When can diabetics get them?The Libre sensor, made by inter­national healthcare company Abbott, works for Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. It will be especially useful for drivers who need to check levels regularly to ensure they are not at risk of passing out at the wheel. Abbott has applied for a licence to use the device and will be pressing for it to be adopted by the NHS.So not yet. OK. when?
The device could be on sale later this year if it gets approval, but will then have to be judged by NICE, the Government’s drug and medical device assessment authority, before it can be made available on the NHS.
Oh dear.
What did the Not From A Press Release Advert Masquerading As A News Story Person have to say?
Douglas Twenefour, of Diabetes UK, said: “We welcome any ­innovation that can relieve people with diabetes from the daily grind of constantly ­having to test blood glucose levels, especially any technology that is less invasive. We eagerly await the results of the trials.”

17th March 2014: Jab-free test for diabetes: Life-saving breakthrough

Diabetes AGAIN?  Oh well, at least it is a "life-saving breakthrough". What does the online article say?

Jab-free diabetes test could be a life-saving breakthrough: A new  device could save the lives of ­diabetics and slash NHS treatment costs.

How odd: both of the familiar uses of "could" in the article’s headline are missing from the front page.

The stick-on sensor, about the size of a 2p piece, replaces the need for daily finger-­pricking jabs to monitor blood glucose levels. The breakthrough gadget, worn at the back of the upper arm, ­monitors glucose levels and gives the wearer an instant display on a pager-sized reader. It can collect data for up to 14 days. This can then be downloaded to give doctors vital information that could save patients’ lives and lower the risk of complications.

Sounds good. When can diabetics get them?

The Libre sensor, made by inter­national healthcare company Abbott, works for Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. It will be especially useful for drivers who need to check levels regularly to ensure they are not at risk of passing out at the wheel. Abbott has applied for a licence to use the device and will be pressing for it to be adopted by the NHS.

So not yet. OK. when?

The device could be on sale later this year if it gets approval, but will then have to be judged by NICE, the Government’s drug and medical device assessment authority, before it can be made available on the NHS.

Oh dear.

What did the Not From A Press Release Advert Masquerading As A News Story Person have to say?

Douglas Twenefour, of Diabetes UK, said: “We welcome any ­innovation that can relieve people with diabetes from the daily grind of constantly ­having to test blood glucose levels, especially any technology that is less invasive. We eagerly await the results of the trials.”

11th March 2014: Healthy diet to beat dementiaIs this dementia-beating diet anything like the cancer-beating diet from yesterday’s front page?Plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish from the age of 40 slashes the risk of developing the killer brain disease by 90 per cent.
So… yes.Care to elaborate, Express?
A study has found that a higher intake of saturated fats from butter, cakes and fast food is linked to poorer cognitive functions and an increased chance of dementia.So the ’ Fatty food is good for you’ headline last week was bollocks after all?
“A healthier lifestyle on the whole such as exercising, not smoking and keeping socially active seems to be a key to a longer life.”
Does it? Really?
What does the Other Person Who Is A Bit Of An Expert have to say?
Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, added: “There is growing evidence to suggest that keeping healthy in midlife can be a good investment for brain health later in life.”
There is?
I have learnt so much today!

11th March 2014: Healthy diet to beat dementia

Is this dementia-beating diet anything like the cancer-beating diet from yesterday’s front page?

Plenty of vegetables, fruit and fish from the age of 40 slashes the risk of developing the killer brain disease by 90 per cent.

So… yes.Care to elaborate, Express?

A study has found that a higher intake of saturated fats from butter, cakes and fast food is linked to poorer cognitive functions and an increased chance of dementia.

So the ’ Fatty food is good for you’ headline last week was bollocks after all?

A healthier lifestyle on the whole such as exercising, not smoking and keeping socially active seems to be a key to a longer life.”

Does it? Really?

What does the Other Person Who Is A Bit Of An Expert have to say?

Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, added: “There is growing evidence to suggest that keeping healthy in midlife can be a good investment for brain health later in life.”


There is?

I have learnt so much today!

10th March 2014: 5 simple steps to beat cancer : EXCLUSIVESticking to five golden rules could be the key to beating cancer for good, new research shows. I know this one! Is it eating more fruit-n-veg, getting exercise, not smoking, drinking sensibly, not being too porky and a sixth step which is not reading the Express?The steps to take are quitting smoking, losing weight, exercising regularly, drinking less alcohol and eating more fruit and vegetables.
Blimey!
The first study to look at the effect of following all five rules had dramatic results. It found nearly half of all lung cancers would be ­prevented completely and the risk of tumours of any kind would be slashed by almost 20 per cent.EXCLUSIVE!

10th March 2014: 5 simple steps to beat cancer : EXCLUSIVE

Sticking to five golden rules could be the key to beating cancer for good, new research shows.

I know this one! Is it eating more fruit-n-veg, getting exercise, not smoking, drinking sensibly, not being too porky and a sixth step which is not reading the Express?

The steps to take are quitting smoking, losing weight, exercising regularly, drinking less alcohol and eating more fruit and vegetables.

Blimey!

The first study to look at the effect of following all five rules had dramatic results. It found nearly half of all lung cancers would be ­prevented completely and the risk of tumours of any kind would be slashed by almost 20 per cent.

EXCLUSIVE!

6th March: Fatty food is good for you.
I’m sensing a “but” here…
Fatty food is less damaging to your diet than sugar and carbs, say experts.That’s not QUITE what the front page suggests, now is it?The real culprits behind record levels of obesity and high rates of heart ­disease are carbohydrates such as pasta and bread – and sugar, claims a leading expert.Well, yes, but this is now exactly news, is it?
“There is no conclusive proof that a low-fat diet has any positive effects. The literature indicates a general lack of any effect (good or bad) from a reduction in fat intake. The public fear that saturated fat raises cholesterol is completely unfounded [it] is worsened when fat is replaced with carbohydrate.”
How about the Last Parargraph Other Viewpoint Person Quote?
Professor Tom Sanders, head of diabetes and nutritional sciences in the School of Medicine at King’s College London, said: “Advice to avoid fatty meat products, choose reduced-fat dairy produce, and restrict cakes, biscuits and puddings, which are often high in saturated fat and sugar, and to select foods containing unsaturated oils such as nuts, fish and vegetable oils, remains good sense.”

6th March: Fatty food is good for you.

I’m sensing a “but” here…

Fatty food is less damaging to your diet than sugar and carbs, say experts.

That’s not QUITE what the front page suggests, now is it?

The real culprits behind record levels of obesity and high rates of heart ­disease are carbohydrates such as pasta and bread – and sugar, claims a leading expert.

Well, yes, but this is now exactly news, is it?

“There is no conclusive proof that a low-fat diet has any positive effects. The literature indicates a general lack of any effect (good or bad) from a reduction in fat intake. The public fear that saturated fat raises cholesterol is completely unfounded [it] is worsened when fat is replaced with carbohydrate.”

How about the Last Parargraph Other Viewpoint Person Quote?

Professor Tom Sanders, head of diabetes and nutritional sciences in the School of Medicine at King’s College London, said: “Advice to avoid fatty meat products, choose reduced-fat dairy produce, and restrict cakes, biscuits and puddings, which are often high in saturated fat and sugar, and to select foods containing unsaturated oils such as nuts, fish and vegetable oils, remains good sense.”

5th March 2014: New way to fight agony of arthritis.
ANOTHER one? We have an average of one per month in ExpressLand. What is the latest cure? A pill? Some cabbage? A picture of a smiling child in a nice farenheit-y warm Summer field?
Positive thinking could be the answer.
I think my ideas could be just as valid, actually.
Tackling the way the mind deals with pain may be as effective as anti-inflammatory drugs for ­aching joints, it is claimed. Scientists suggest that meditation, talking ­therapies and counselling could help retrain the brain to reduce the chronic agony felt by millions of arthritis sufferers. 
I am thinking poppycock.
Researchers looked at how the brain processes arthritis pain and concluded that “mindfulness” techniques could be better for some patients than costly and potentially harmful painkillers.Could it?
The study, published in the European Journal of Neuroscience, measured brain waves in response to short painful laser pulses to the skin in patients with osteoarthritic pain and those with no pain. They found that while anticipating the painful pulse, a brain area called the insula cortex increased its activity – and this predicted the extent and intensity of the patients’ own chronic pain. Prof Jones said: “All pain is in the mind. It is where pain is processed. What we need to do now is try to focus more on influencing the brain to prevent the pain.”

5th March 2014: New way to fight agony of arthritis.

ANOTHER one? We have an average of one per month in ExpressLand. What is the latest cure? A pill? Some cabbage? A picture of a smiling child in a nice farenheit-y warm Summer field?

Positive thinking could be the answer.

I think my ideas could be just as valid, actually.

Tackling the way the mind deals with pain may be as effective as anti-inflammatory drugs for ­aching joints, it is claimed. Scientists suggest that meditation, talking ­therapies and counselling could help retrain the brain to reduce the chronic agony felt by millions of arthritis sufferers.

I am thinking poppycock.

Researchers looked at how the brain processes arthritis pain and concluded that “mindfulness” techniques could be better for some patients than costly and potentially harmful painkillers.

Could it?

The study, published in the European Journal of Neuroscience, measured brain waves in response to short painful laser pulses to the skin in patients with osteoarthritic pain and those with no pain. They found that while anticipating the painful pulse, a brain area called the insula cortex increased its activity – and this predicted the extent and intensity of the patients’ own chronic pain. Prof Jones said: “All pain is in the mind. It is where pain is processed. What we need to do now is try to focus more on influencing the brain to prevent the pain.”

4th March 2014: Take statins to save your life.
They were dangerous last week but as Health Editor Jo Willey has been sent a press release about how great they are we can all love statins again!
Life-saving statins could be prescribed to millions more people under plans to slash heart disease deaths.
Could they? What how what when why what?
The proposal by drug watchdog the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence could also see more than twice as many people over the age of 40 taking statins to lower their risk of a heart attack or stroke.They could? What do the doctors say?
The survey of 511 GPs also found that 55 per cent would not take statins themselves or recommend a relative to, based on the new risk score.What do doctors know anyway?

4th March 2014: Take statins to save your life.

They were dangerous last week but as Health Editor Jo Willey has been sent a press release about how great they are we can all love statins again!

Life-saving statins could be prescribed to millions more people under plans to slash heart disease deaths.

Could they? What how what when why what?

The proposal by drug watchdog the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence could also see more than twice as many people over the age of 40 taking statins to lower their risk of a heart attack or stroke.

They could? What do the doctors say?

The survey of 511 GPs also found that 55 per cent would not take statins themselves or recommend a relative to, based on the new risk score.

What do doctors know anyway?

28th February 2014: New pill to fight ageing: Drug is secret of a longer life.
Excellent news, a miracle cure for ageing!  Nothing can stop us beating age once and for all!
That was the front page headline, what about the main story’s headline?New pill to fight ageing: Could drug be secret to a longer life?
Oh bugger. The miracle drug has already been  downgraded from a definite cure to a questionable cure. Next they’ll be admitting it’s yet another load of bollocks from a press release.
A pill that prevents ageing and keeps people heathier for longer is a step closer, scientists claimed last night.How many steps remain?A team at the National Institute on Ageing at the National Institutes of Health in the US has discovered a “promising strategy” to arrest ageing. They have found that activating a specific protein not only extends lifespan, it also delays the onset of age-related metabolic conditions such as heart disease and diabetes, and improves general health by lowering cholesterol and inflammation. The discovery centres on a protein called SIRT1. 
OK, what were the results in the drug trials?
Drugs that increase its activity in the body have been found to slow the onset of ageing and delay age-related diseases in several animal models. Lead researcher Dr Rafael de Cabo said: “Here, we show for the first time that a synthetic SIRT1 activator extends lifespan and improves healthspan of mice fed a standard diet.”
Oh those poor Express Mice.
He added: “We are hoping in the long term to translate some of these findings into humans.”
The researchers found that the drug significantly extended the average lifespan of mice by 8.8 per cent.This is of course totally a “secret of a longer life.”

28th February 2014: New pill to fight ageing: Drug is secret of a longer life.

Excellent news, a miracle cure for ageing!  Nothing can stop us beating age once and for all!

That was the front page headline, what about the main story’s headline?
New pill to fight ageing: Could drug be secret to a longer life?

Oh bugger. The miracle drug has already been  downgraded from a definite cure to a questionable cure. Next they’ll be admitting it’s yet another load of bollocks from a press release.

A pill that prevents ageing and keeps people heathier for longer is a step closer, scientists claimed last night.

How many steps remain?

A team at the National Institute on Ageing at the National Institutes of Health in the US has discovered a “promising strategy” to arrest ageing. They have found that activating a specific protein not only extends lifespan, it also delays the onset of age-related metabolic conditions such as heart disease and diabetes, and improves general health by lowering cholesterol and inflammation. The discovery centres on a protein called SIRT1.

OK, what were the results in the drug trials?

Drugs that increase its activity in the body have been found to slow the onset of ageing and delay age-related diseases in several animal models. Lead researcher Dr Rafael de Cabo said: “Here, we show for the first time that a synthetic SIRT1 activator extends lifespan and improves healthspan of mice fed a standard diet.”

Oh those poor Express Mice.

He added: “We are hoping in the long term to translate some of these findings into humans.

The researchers found that the drug significantly extended the average lifespan of mice by 8.8 per cent.

This is of course totally a “secret of a longer life.”


26th February 2014: New way to end arthritis pain … a simple jab that has no side effects.Yippeeee! Anotyher cure for arthritis! I have no grounds for cynicism , do I?A powerful injection delivered directly into arthritic joints could slash pain levels for millions of Britons.
So it is not an end of pain bit a "could slash pain levels”? 
It is?
Bugger.How did the human trials go? Maybe this isn’t as flimsy as it appears.
The scientists said their work needs to be tested in patient trials.
I give up.

26th February 2014: New way to end arthritis pain … a simple jab that has no side effects.

Yippeeee! Anotyher cure for arthritis! I have no grounds for cynicism , do I?

A powerful injection delivered directly into arthritic joints could slash pain levels for millions of Britons.

So it is not an end of pain bit a "could slash pain levels”? 

It is?

Bugger.

How did the human trials go? Maybe this isn’t as flimsy as it appears.

The scientists said their work needs to be tested in patient trials.

I give up.

25th February 2014: Daily pill to beat diabetes.Another cure for diabetes? We’ve had so many now.
Or is it?
No, of course it is not.
Diabetes wonder drug to be available on NHS in months.
Is it really?
A pill which slashes blood sugar levels and offers hope to millions of diabetes sufferers has been launched in the UK.Where can we get it from, oh oracle of miraculous pills?Experts say the drug, canagliflozin, which is taken once a day, is a vital new weapon in the battle against the Type 2 diabetes epidemic and its devastating complications. It reduces blood sugar levels in people for whom diet and lifestyle measures or other blood sugar-lowering medicines do not work well enough, say the manufacturers Janssen.Yes but…
The pill has received a preliminary positive recommendation from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (Nice) and could be available within months.So it’s a pill that might help and it’s not got a release date? Sod it, let’s just cut to the Obligatory Final Paragraph Balance Quote.
Simon O’Neill of Diabetes UK said: “Developing new treatments that give people more choice about how to manage their condition effectively are really important and so we look forward to seeing the results of the Nice consultation.”

25th February 2014: Daily pill to beat diabetes.

Another cure for diabetes? We’ve had so many now.

Or is it?

No, of course it is not.

Diabetes wonder drug to be available on NHS in months.

Is it really?

A pill which slashes blood sugar levels and offers hope to millions of diabetes sufferers has been launched in the UK.

Where can we get it from, oh oracle of miraculous pills?

Experts say the drug, canagliflozin, which is taken once a day, is a vital new weapon in the battle against the Type 2 diabetes epidemic and its devastating complications. It reduces blood sugar levels in people for whom diet and lifestyle measures or other blood sugar-lowering medicines do not work well enough, say the manufacturers Janssen.

Yes but…

The pill has received a preliminary positive recommendation from the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (Nice) and could be available within months.

So it’s a pill that might help and it’s not got a release date? Sod it, let’s just cut to the Obligatory Final Paragraph Balance Quote.

Simon O’Neill of Diabetes UK said: “Developing new treatments that give people more choice about how to manage their condition effectively are really important and so we look forward to seeing the results of the Nice consultation.”