22nd July 2014: Yoghurt can cut blood pressure: Eat a pot a day to help save your life.
Hurrah, it can save lives! But can it really? …
Research leader Dr Jing Sun said: “The studies suggest regular consumption of probiotics can be part of a healthy lifestyle to help reduce high blood pressure, as well as maintain healthy blood pressure levels.”Now call me literal but that’s not exaclty the same as the headline.
Probiotics with multiple bacteria lowered blood pressure more than those with a single bacteria, according to the research.So no miracles from delicious fruity bitty regular pots?
Dr Sun said the studies of the effects tend to be small and that more research is needed before doctors can confidently recommend probiotics for high blood pressure control and prevention.This it not looking liike a miracle cure at all….Victoria Taylor, senior dietitian at the British Heart Foundation, said it was vital that everyone made efforts to keep their blood pressure in check.
Of course, but what about Miracle Yoghurt?She said: “While this is an interesting review of the research, it’s too soon to start recommending probiotics for lowering blood pressure. We need more research to confirm the findings seen here. There are a number of well-established lifestyle changes that we can make to keep our blood pressure healthy. Eating less salt, more fruit and vegetables and being physically active and maintaining a healthy body weight are all tried and tested ways.”
So once again it actually comes down to adopting a healthy sensible lifestyle? I am so disppointed.

22nd July 2014: Yoghurt can cut blood pressure: Eat a pot a day to help save your life.

Hurrah, it can save lives! But can it really? …

Research leader Dr Jing Sun said: “The studies suggest regular consumption of probiotics can be part of a healthy lifestyle to help reduce high blood pressure, as well as maintain healthy blood pressure levels.”

Now call me literal but that’s not exaclty the same as the headline.

Probiotics with multiple bacteria lowered blood pressure more than those with a single bacteria, according to the research.

So no miracles from delicious fruity bitty regular pots?

Dr Sun said the studies of the effects tend to be small and that more research is needed before doctors can confidently recommend probiotics for high blood pressure control and prevention.

This it not looking liike a miracle cure at all….

Victoria Taylor, senior dietitian at the British Heart Foundation, said it was vital that everyone made efforts to keep their blood pressure in check.

Of course, but what about Miracle Yoghurt?

She said: “While this is an interesting review of the research, it’s too soon to start recommending probiotics for lowering blood pressure. We need more research to confirm the findings seen here. There are a number of well-established lifestyle changes that we can make to keep our blood pressure healthy. Eating less salt, more fruit and vegetables and being physically active and maintaining a healthy body weight are all tried and tested ways.”

So once again it actually comes down to adopting a healthy sensible lifestyle? I am so disppointed.

15th July 2014: Puzzles best way to fight dementia.
Another day, another familiar miracle headline.
Puzzles and crosswords could be the best way to beat dementia.
Oh. They COULD be the best way to best it. What are the chances?
What else does the Express say?
PLAY OUR BRILLIANT FREE PUZZLES AND GAMES NOW!
Really?
Let’s just cut to the other quote…
Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “Observational studies like this are not able to pinpoint cause and effect but they can be useful for identifying factors that may influence our risk of memory decline and dementia. This study adds to the ongoing ‘use it or lose it’ debate.
Any other advice?
“The best evidence suggests that we can reduce our risk of dementia with a healthy lifestyle – eating a balanced, healthy diet, exercising regularly, not smoking and keeping blood pressure and weight in check.”
Like every other sodding miracle cure then.

15th July 2014: Puzzles best way to fight dementia.

Another day, another familiar miracle headline.

Puzzles and crosswords could be the best way to beat dementia.

Oh. They COULD be the best way to best it. What are the chances?

What else does the Express say?

PLAY OUR BRILLIANT FREE PUZZLES AND GAMES NOW!

Really?

Let’s just cut to the other quote…

Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “Observational studies like this are not able to pinpoint cause and effect but they can be useful for identifying factors that may influence our risk of memory decline and dementia. This study adds to the ongoing ‘use it or lose it’ debate.

Any other advice?

“The best evidence suggests that we can reduce our risk of dementia with a healthy lifestyle – eating a balanced, healthy diet, exercising regularly, not smoking and keeping blood pressure and weight in check.”


Like every other sodding miracle cure then.

14th July 2014: How to beat Alzheimer’s.
Other actual newspapers go with the World Cup Final but not The World’s Greatest Newspaper. Just get a press release from Jo Willey’s drawer…
Experts reveal seven lifestyle changes to help fight off disease
I bet I know what they are! The same as every other poxy story just like this one?
Millions could be saved from developing Alzheimer’s disease by making a few simple changes to their lifestyle, experts reveal today. Let’s just skip to the end bit where they get someone less biased to coment, shall we? We all know how this goes by now…. Dr Simon Ridley, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “While age is the biggest risk factor for most cases of Alzheimer’s, there are a number of lifestyle and general health factors that could increase or decrease a person’s chances of developing the disease.”“This new analysis suggests many cases could be prevented by increasing physical activity, quitting smoking and altering diet to reduce the cases of diabetes.”

14th July 2014: How to beat Alzheimer’s.

Other actual newspapers go with the World Cup Final but not The World’s Greatest Newspaper. Just get a press release from Jo Willey’s drawer…

Experts reveal seven lifestyle changes to help fight off disease

I bet I know what they are! The same as every other poxy story just like this one?

Millions could be saved from developing Alzheimer’s disease by making a few simple changes to their lifestyle, experts reveal today.

Let’s just skip to the end bit where they get someone less biased to coment, shall we? We all know how this goes by now….

 Dr Simon Ridley, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “While age is the biggest risk factor for most cases of Alzheimer’s, there are a number of lifestyle and general health factors that could increase or decrease a person’s chances of developing the disease.

“This new analysis suggests many cases could be prevented by increasing physical activity, quitting smoking and altering diet to reduce the cases of diabetes.”

12th July 2014: Cheap pill to beat arthritis.
Hurrah! Another thing beaten…
A daily fish oil supplement could be the key to beating arthritis.
So does it beat it or is it just something that could beat it? These two options are quite different.
Scientists’ discovery – tested on mice – means that sufferers from osteoarthritis could transform their lives by taking the over-the-counter 20p supplement. The alternative is to boost the levels of omega 3 in the diet by eating more fish, nuts and seeds packed with the essential fat. Researchers in the US reached their conclusion after discovering osteoarthritis is linked more to diet than to body weight.
Not only is it just another “could” but it’s the return of the Miracle Mice!
Dr Farshid Guilak said: “Our results suggest that diet plays a more significant role than mechanical factors in the link between obesity and osteoarthritis. He and his team at Duke University Medical Centre, in North Carolina, studied mice with osteoarthritis of the knee caused by injury to the joint. Their research, published in the journal Annals Of The Rheumatic ­Diseases, suggests that unhealthy ­dietary fats – not just obesity – may make osteoarthritis worse.Oh well. What did the less biased quoted person on the press release have to say?Professor Alan Silman, medical director of Arthritis Research UK, said: “Research is increasingly confirming that omega 3 fatty acids sourced from fish oil can slow the progression of osteoarthritis in animals and that the benefits of fish oil for joint health are not simply old wives’ tales. “Most diets in the developed world are lacking in omega 3, with modern diets having up to 30 times too much omega 6 and too little omega 3.”
“Taking omega 3 could help redress this imbalance. However, we now need studies that confirm that it can also be effective in humans.”
Yes, I guess that might help.

12th July 2014: Cheap pill to beat arthritis.

Hurrah! Another thing beaten…

A daily fish oil supplement could be the key to beating arthritis.

So does it beat it or is it just something that could beat it? These two options are quite different.

Scientists’ discovery – tested on mice – means that sufferers from osteoarthritis could transform their lives by taking the over-the-counter 20p supplement. The alternative is to boost the levels of omega 3 in the diet by eating more fish, nuts and seeds packed with the essential fat. Researchers in the US reached their conclusion after discovering osteoarthritis is linked more to diet than to body weight.

Not only is it just another “could” but it’s the return of the Miracle Mice!

Dr Farshid Guilak said: “Our results suggest that diet plays a more significant role than mechanical factors in the link between obesity and osteoarthritis. He and his team at Duke University Medical Centre, in North Carolina, studied mice with osteoarthritis of the knee caused by injury to the joint. Their research, published in the journal Annals Of The Rheumatic ­Diseases, suggests that unhealthy ­dietary fats – not just obesity – may make osteoarthritis worse.

Oh well. What did the less biased quoted person on the press release have to say?

Professor Alan Silman, medical director of Arthritis Research UK, said: “Research is increasingly confirming that omega 3 fatty acids sourced from fish oil can slow the progression of osteoarthritis in animals and that the benefits of fish oil for joint health are not simply old wives’ tales. “Most diets in the developed world are lacking in omega 3, with modern diets having up to 30 times too much omega 6 and too little omega 3.

“Taking omega 3 could help redress this imbalance. However, we now need studies that confirm that it can also be effective in humans.”

Yes, I guess that might help.

Time for a Diabetes ‘Cure’ montage update.

Time for a Diabetes ‘Cure’ montage update.

11th July 2014: Stomach surgery to beat diabetes.
ANOTHER diabetes ‘cure’?
Scientists are a step closer to understanding why stomach surgery can “cure” diabetes.They have found that cells in the intestine release a potent cocktail of up to six hormones when we eat. The breakthrough could lead to the development of drugs which could be used instead of surgery to tackle both obesity and diabetes.Could could could could could …
Dr Smith said: “For us, understanding how these cells change in response to surgery is likely to hold the key to a cure for diabetes.”

11th July 2014: Stomach surgery to beat diabetes.

ANOTHER diabetes ‘cure’?

Scientists are a step closer to understanding why stomach surgery can “cure” diabetes.

They have found that cells in the intestine release a potent cocktail of up to six hormones when we eat. The breakthrough could lead to the development of drugs which could be used instead of surgery to tackle both obesity and diabetes.

Could could could could could …

Dr Smith said: “For us, understanding how these cells change in response to surgery is likely to hold the key to a cure for diabetes.”

So many Express ways to live FOREVER!

So many Express ways to live FOREVER!

10th July 2014: How you can live an extra 10 years.Well this is hardly an original story for The Daily Express… is it all about healthy eating, taking exercise, not smoking and being sensible with booze like every other ‘miracle’?Following four ­simple rules can add 10 years to your life, say ­scientists.
 Go on…
Someone of 75 who sticks to them has the same chance of living an extra decade as someone 10 years younger who has an unhealthy lifestyle.
This is a bit cheeky if it is only in relation to people who are Very Old already….
Eating fruit, staying active, ­limiting alcohol intake and ­shunning cigarettes all help to increase ­longevity, researchers have found. And for the first time they have worked out exactly how a health-conscious 75-year-old can outlive an unhealthy 65-year-old.
BINGO!What other dubious facts does this exclusive contain?
Someone who smokes, drinks a lot, is inactive and has an unhealthy diet has 2.5 times higher risk of dying within a decade than someone who looks after their health.The Zurich team found that a 75-year-old man who smokes, drinks alcohol regularly, does little or no exercise and eats barely any fruit has just 35 per cent chance of being alive in 10 years’ time.

10th July 2014: How you can live an extra 10 years.

Well this is hardly an original story for The Daily Express… is it all about healthy eating, taking exercise, not smoking and being sensible with booze like every other ‘miracle’?

Following four ­simple rules can add 10 years to your life, say ­scientists.

 Go on…

Someone of 75 who sticks to them has the same chance of living an extra decade as someone 10 years younger who has an unhealthy lifestyle.

This is a bit cheeky if it is only in relation to people who are Very Old already….

Eating fruit, staying active, ­limiting alcohol intake and ­shunning cigarettes all help to increase ­longevity, researchers have found. And for the first time they have worked out exactly how a health-conscious 75-year-old can outlive an unhealthy 65-year-old.

BINGO!

What other dubious facts does this exclusive contain?

Someone who smokes, drinks a lot, is inactive and has an unhealthy diet has 2.5 times higher risk of dying within a decade than someone who looks after their health.

The Zurich team found that a 75-year-old man who smokes, drinks alcohol regularly, does little or no exercise and eats barely any fruit has just 35 per cent chance of being alive in 10 years’ time.

2nd July 2014: Statins are no risk to health
Hurrah! Miracle-tastic!
Statins are safe and “the jury is no longer out” on whether the ­benefits outweigh the risks, leading heart experts said yesterday.The rest of this article was only visible by clicking on a ‘quiz’ about the Health Lottery (also owned by Express Big Big Cheese Richard ‘Dirty Des’ Desmond) and it was going to be the usual nonsense so I couldn’t be bothered.This story does seem familiar, but not as familiar as the front page layout:Doctors got it WRONG: Statins are actually safe to use (16th May 2014), Heart attack-preventing statins are safe, says watchdog (31st May 2014) …

2nd July 2014: Statins are no risk to health

Hurrah! Miracle-tastic!

Statins are safe and “the jury is no longer out” on whether the ­benefits outweigh the risks, leading heart experts said yesterday.

The rest of this article was only visible by clicking on a ‘quiz’ about the Health Lottery (also owned by Express Big Big Cheese Richard ‘Dirty Des’ Desmond) and it was going to be the usual nonsense so I couldn’t be bothered.

This story does seem familiar, but not as familiar as the front page layout:
Doctors got it WRONG: Statins are actually safe to use (16th May 2014), Heart attack-preventing statins are safe, says watchdog (31st May 2014)

28th June 2014: New way to battle dementia
Another one? As it’s on the Saturday issue’s front page it must be more important than the usual rubbish weekday miracles, right?
Getting a good night’s sleep could be the key to beating dementia, experts revealed yesterday.
Is that it? Sleep is good for you? With a standard added “could”?
A lack of rest overnight as you get older can have a ­dramatic impact on your memory and ability to carry out everyday tasks. Researchers at Warwick ­University found sleeping for a full eight hours a night can have a marked effect on brain function. Professor Francesco Cappuccio, of the university’s medical school, said: “Sleep is important for good health and mental wellbeing…”Blah blah blah, cut to the expert quote at the end:
Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, sounded a note of caution. “Though many of us will have felt the effects of a bad night’s sleep on our memory, this study did not look at dementia and it’s too soon to conclude that poor sleep will lead to the condition.”So in fact today’s miracle is far less miraculous than most.
“Further research to better understand the links between sleep quality and our risk of dementia is needed before we can know whether improving our sleep quality could prevent the condition.”

28th June 2014: New way to battle dementia

Another one? As it’s on the Saturday issue’s front page it must be more important than the usual rubbish weekday miracles, right?

Getting a good night’s sleep could be the key to beating dementia, experts revealed yesterday.

Is that it? Sleep is good for you? With a standard added “could”?

A lack of rest overnight as you get older can have a ­dramatic impact on your memory and ability to carry out everyday tasks. Researchers at Warwick ­University found sleeping for a full eight hours a night can have a marked effect on brain function. Professor Francesco Cappuccio, of the university’s medical school, said: “Sleep is important for good health and mental wellbeing…”

Blah blah blah, cut to the expert quote at the end:

Dr Laura Phipps, of Alzheimer’s Research UK, sounded a note of caution. “Though many of us will have felt the effects of a bad night’s sleep on our memory, this study did not look at dementia and it’s too soon to conclude that poor sleep will lead to the condition.”

So in fact today’s miracle is far less miraculous than most.

“Further research to better understand the links between sleep quality and our risk of dementia is needed before we can know whether improving our sleep quality could prevent the condition.”

27th June 2014: Breast cancer breakthrough : Test could save millions of livesI am starting to think these exclusive miracle front pages are written by a distinctly average robot:Big headline followed by vague sub-headline and then a loads of maybes followed by a quote from a real person who mostly says it’s a nice idea but shut up etc….
It could predict not only whether they will get the disease within five to 10 years but also whether it will kill them.
What other vagueness do we have in this latest masterpiece?
British researchers who made the breakthrough say it could revolutionise the treatment of breast cancer and save millions of lives by identifying who is at risk years before the ­disease develops.
Any more?
It could also reassure others that they are unlikely ever to suffer from the disease.
Anything else along this Not Actually Any Kind Of News theme?
Doctors hope the new test could be incorp­orated into the NHS cervical smear testing ­programme in as little as five years’ time.
I bet they haven’t even tested it on the Daily Express Lab Mice.
“There is no data yet to indicate that this is what it will lead to but we have got a lot of reason to believe that this will change the world of women’s cancer. At the moment it is just hope and speculation.”
(said the quoted boffin from the press release)
What about ending with the usual separate yet more of a reliable kind of quote human?Dr Kat Arney, of Cancer Research UK, said: “It’s an intriguing finding but we need to understand much more about how these changes influence breast cancer risk before this know­ledge can be turned into a screening test.”

27th June 2014: Breast cancer breakthrough : Test could save millions of lives

I am starting to think these exclusive miracle front pages are written by a distinctly average robot:Big headline followed by vague sub-headline and then a loads of maybes followed by a quote from a real person who mostly says it’s a nice idea but shut up etc….

It could predict not only whether they will get the disease within five to 10 years but also whether it will kill them.

What other vagueness do we have in this latest masterpiece?

British researchers who made the breakthrough say it could revolutionise the treatment of breast cancer and save millions of lives by identifying who is at risk years before the ­disease develops.

Any more?

It could also reassure others that they are unlikely ever to suffer from the disease.

Anything else along this Not Actually Any Kind Of News theme?

Doctors hope the new test could be incorp­orated into the NHS cervical smear testing ­programme in as little as five years’ time.

I bet they haven’t even tested it on the Daily Express Lab Mice.

There is no data yet to indicate that this is what it will lead to but we have got a lot of reason to believe that this will change the world of women’s cancer. At the moment it is just hope and speculation.”

(said the quoted boffin from the press release)

What about ending with the usual separate yet more of a reliable kind of quote human?

Dr Kat Arney, of Cancer Research UK, said: “It’s an intriguing finding but we need to understand much more about how these changes influence breast cancer risk before this know­ledge can be turned into a screening test.”

26th June 2014: Vitamin D cuts blood pressure.
Hurrah! Another concrete piece of healthy science evidence from The World’s Greatest Newspaper…
Sunshine could be the key to slashing blood pressure, helping to save thousands of lives a year. Boosting vitamin D may offer an alternative to drugs by cutting the risk of heart attacks and stroke, say scientists.I am doing my disappointed but not remotely surprised face now…
Results from observational studies have suggested a strong association between low vitamin D levels and increases in blood pressure and hypertension, but randomised trials have not provided consistent evidence.So this story is actually about a “maybe” conclusion from inconsistent tests? Bravo!
What did the Other Quoted Person have to say?
Blood Pressure UK chief executive Katharine Jenner said: “We echo the calls for trials with vitamin D supplementation in humans to see if this can be replicated in the real world.” But she urged caution, saying it would be “dangerous” to suggest vitamin ­supplements could replace drugs at this stage.
Oops. Did she say anything else?
Prof Hypponen also said further trials were needed.

26th June 2014: Vitamin D cuts blood pressure.

Hurrah! Another concrete piece of healthy science evidence from The World’s Greatest Newspaper…

Sunshine could be the key to slashing blood pressure, helping to save thousands of lives a year. Boosting vitamin D may offer an alternative to drugs by cutting the risk of heart attacks and stroke, say scientists.

I am doing my disappointed but not remotely surprised face now…

Results from observational studies have suggested a strong association between low vitamin D levels and increases in blood pressure and hypertension, but randomised trials have not provided consistent evidence.

So this story is actually about a “maybe” conclusion from inconsistent tests? Bravo!

What did the Other Quoted Person have to say?

Blood Pressure UK chief executive Katharine Jenner said: “We echo the calls for trials with vitamin D supplementation in humans to see if this can be replicated in the real world.” But she urged caution, saying it would be “dangerous” to suggest vitamin ­supplements could replace drugs at this stage.

Oops. Did she say anything else?

Prof Hypponen also said further trials were needed.

25th June 2014: Painkillers key to a longer lifePainkillers taken every day by millions of Britons could help slow the ageing process and fight a host of chronic diseases, scientists say.It’s another one of those factual "could" monents!
What’s the science behind this latest miracle which is definitely not an advert for ibuprofen?
Study leader Professor Thomas von Zglinicki said: “People age differently, some much faster than others. With these results we can now seriously start thinking about inflammation as a potential driver of accelerated ageing and how we might be able to delay it.”IMMORTALITY! How are the super-humans coming along?
After successful trials on mice, the scientists are to start tests on human patients, including one group of around 200 people with Parkinson’s disease who may be affected by accelerated ageing.Bah!
The NHS advises that anyone with questions over the use of ibuprofen should speak to their GP before taking the pills.
In other words, ignore this crock of shite.

25th June 2014: Painkillers key to a longer life

Painkillers taken every day by millions of Britons could help slow the ageing process and fight a host of chronic diseases, scientists say.

It’s another one of those factual "could" monents!

What’s the science behind this latest miracle which is definitely not an advert for ibuprofen?

Study leader Professor Thomas von Zglinicki said: “People age differently, some much faster than others. With these results we can now seriously start thinking about inflammation as a potential driver of accelerated ageing and how we might be able to delay it.”

IMMORTALITY! How are the super-humans coming along?

After successful trials on mice, the scientists are to start tests on human patients, including one group of around 200 people with Parkinson’s disease who may be affected by accelerated ageing.

Bah!

The NHS advises that anyone with questions over the use of ibuprofen should speak to their GP before taking the pills.

In other words, ignore this crock of shite.

I made a handy cut out and keep guide to miracle eating and drinking from The World’s Greatest Newspaper.

I made a handy cut out and keep guide to miracle eating and drinking from The World’s Greatest Newspaper.

20th June 2014: Carrots can fight cancer.
Hurrah! Another one for my Miracle Foods folder. Or is it? (Clue: this is the Daily Express)…
Carrots could be key to beating cancer, according to scientists.
This is not going well, is it?
What’s the ‘science’?
They contain powerful ­cancer-busting chemicals, experts at Newcastle University have found. The natural compounds, known as poly­acetylenes, protect the plant from attack by pests and diseases. They occur only in veg­etables of the carrot family and a few other closely related species such as ginseng. Previous tests have shown the compounds can have beneficial effects in tackling inflammation and cancer. They were also found to reduce cancer growth in rats.The rats are back!
Now researchers have launched a three-year study to measure the effects of root vegetables such as carrots, parsnips and celeriac on cancer and inflammatory diseases like arthritis.Looking forward to a whole range of miraculous root veg front pages soon.Previous research by Dr Brandt found that carrots contain the anti-cancer compound falcarinol, which reduced tumours in rats by a third. But falcarinol, like vitamin C and sugar, is soluble and lost when carrots are boiled.But why the obsession with the carrot aspect of this latest vague nonsense?The latest study is being partly funded by the British Carrot Growers’ Association.

20th June 2014: Carrots can fight cancer.

Hurrah! Another one for my Miracle Foods folder. Or is it? (Clue: this is the Daily Express)…

Carrots could be key to beating cancer, according to scientists.

This is not going well, is it?

What’s the ‘science’?

They contain powerful ­cancer-busting chemicals, experts at Newcastle University have found. The natural compounds, known as poly­acetylenes, protect the plant from attack by pests and diseases. They occur only in veg­etables of the carrot family and a few other closely related species such as ginseng. Previous tests have shown the compounds can have beneficial effects in tackling inflammation and cancer. They were also found to reduce cancer growth in rats.

The rats are back!

Now researchers have launched a three-year study to measure the effects of root vegetables such as carrots, parsnips and celeriac on cancer and inflammatory diseases like arthritis.

Looking forward to a whole range of miraculous root veg front pages soon.

Previous research by Dr Brandt found that carrots contain the anti-cancer compound falcarinol, which reduced tumours in rats by a third. But falcarinol, like vitamin C and sugar, is soluble and lost when carrots are boiled.

But why the obsession with the carrot aspect of this latest vague nonsense?

The latest study is being partly funded by the British Carrot Growers’ Association.